


Love And All The Other Intangibles

by IBoatedHere



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff, Gen, Growing Up, Homesickness, M/M, Mistletoe, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 15:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9277385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IBoatedHere/pseuds/IBoatedHere
Summary: Eric Bittle's fraught and opaque relationship with Christmas.





	

Eric is six and on December 24th he spends most of his time in the kitchen with his mama rolling out pie dough and dropping biscuits onto baking sheets.

The rest of the family is in the backyard playing touch football. 

“You can go out and play, sweetheart,” Suzanne tells him as she wipes her hands on her apron.

From where he’s perched on the counter he has a clear view out the kitchen window.

He watches his twelve year old cousin, Sean, tackle his seven year old cousin, Peter. It’s a big hit and it takes a minute for Peter to get up.

All of the adults crowd around him and slap him on the back when he finally gets to his feet. He’s sure Coach tells him to walk it off and his Uncle Steve tells him to take it like a man.

No one reprimands Sean or even reminds him that that they’re not supposed to be hitting each other.

Eric looks down at the apples slices that he’s carefully layering into the crust and swings his legs.

“It’s more fun in here,” he says and Suzanne kisses his forehead and starts rolling out the top crust.

*****

Eric is eleven and standing in front of the Christmas tree while his mother and his great Aunt Pauline talk about him like he’s not even there.

“He’s just adorable, Suzanne. I’m sure that growth spurt will hit him soon enough. My Johnny didn’t start sproutin’ up until he was fourteen. How’s he doing in school? Has Richard gotten him into football yet?”

Eric slips away because Coach has tried and it didn’t go very well. He doesn’t really want to hear his mama stumbling through the response.

He knows some of the younger kids are decorating gingerbread cookies in the kitchen and his older cousin Colleen will probably need some help wrangling them all.

The men of the family are packed into the kitchen as well, holding beers and leaning against the counter.

“Dicky still thinking about doing that ice dancing?” Eric’s second cousin, Pat asks. 

Bitty stops before he’s been seen and leans against the wall.

“Figure skating,” Coach says gruffly.

“What’s the difference? I overheard Carol talking to Suzanne about it. Sparkly outfits. Music. Is he still thinking about it?”

“We’ve been….discussing it.”

“What is there to discuss? Get that boy into a real sport. I know he’s small but he’s quick. He’ll learn how to use that.”

“I tried football.”

“You tried it once. He’ll get over that…..whatever it is. Things will be a lot easier for him if you teach him how to catch a ball, Richard. It’ll help, at least.”

“What do you mean by that?” Coach says and Eric stands a little straighter at the defensive tone in his father’s voice. The chatter from the kids around the kitchen table dies down.

“I mean ice dancing-.”

“Figure skating.” Richard cuts him off and Eric hears the sound of a beer bottle hitting the counter with force and he dashes around the corner and into the kitchen. He and Pat are toe to toe.

“Daddy.”

All eyes turn to him. Someone laughs in the living room and someone else plays piano off key in the den but he could hear a pin drop in the kitchen.

“Mama says she needs your help bringing more chairs up from the basement,” he lies and Coach gives Pat one more menacing look before he nods towards Eric.

He puts his hand on Eric’s shoulders and leads him out of the kitchen.

“Is your mama already downstairs?”

“I don’t know,” Eric says while looking down at his shoes. It’s his tell. He knows his daddy is going to know he’s lying.

But Richard doesn’t yell. He doesn’t tell him how he shouldn’t be fibbing or tell him the story about the boy who cried wolf or any of that. He simply squeezes Eric’s shoulders, pulls him in for a tight but brief hug, and walks away to find his wife.

Eric gets his first pair of skates on Christmas morning.

It’s total chaos with every kid in his family ripping open present after present but Eric and his parents find a quiet corner where they can exchange gifts.

He slides the top off the box and runs his fingers over the laces. He can see the lights from the tree reflected in the blades.

“What do you think?” His mama asks and she’s so full of excitement that Eric is sure Coach didn’t tell her what _almost_ happened yesterday.

“I love them,” Eric says as he looks away from his mama and looks right at Coach. “Thank you.”

******

Eric is fifteen and finds himself underneath the mistletoe with a boy for the first time.

Alex is a friend, or so Eric thinks.

He’s really a teammate. Sometimes he’s the competition.

They both train with Katya so they see each other almost everyday but only one of them can come in first place when it really counts. 

Eric isn’t sure what to call their relationship but he’s comfortable with calling Alex beautiful.

He’s tall and slim but strong. He can lift all the girls. Katya tells Eric he’ll be able to do that one day as long as he keeps up with his weights in the gym.

Eric spends a lot of the time he should be focusing on stretching looking at Alex instead.

He gets caught an awful lot but he figures that’s okay because he catches Alex looking at him too.

Right now though, in the basement of Katya’s house with everyone’s parents upstairs, Alex is looking everywhere but at him.

Everyone else is telling them to just do it.

_“Kiss!”_

_“Get it over with.”_

_“Other people would like to get under there.”_

_“Who are you getting under there with, man, no one wants to kiss you.”_

_“Shut up.”_

Eric never really thought this is how his first kiss would go but there are worse ways for it to happen.

He really likes Alex and he thinks Alex likes him back and even though he doesn’t want to do it in front of an audience but at least they’re all encouraging him.

So Eric sways forward and then is tackled from the side by Lisa.

Lisa is already a head taller than Eric and seems to grow an inch a week. Katya warns her that she’s getting too tall, like there’s anything she can do to stop it.

“You guys,” she laughs and wraps her long arms around their shoulders. Her breath smells like the cheap liquor that’s being passed around. She’ll have to pop a mint before she meets up with her parents. 

Eric didn’t have any but he knows Alex did and he wonders if that’s what their kiss would have tasted like.

He’ll never find out because everyone is laughing like it was all a joke, like they really didn’t expect them to or want them to.

A wave of panic washes over him when he realizes what could have happened if they actually kissed.

Lisa giggles some more and tucks both of them close to her sides. “That was hilarious. You guys really committed.” She slaps them both on the back and peels herself away from them.

Alex looks at Eric for the first time and shrugs before he follows after her.

Eric crosses his arms over his chest and manages to get up the basement stairs and out onto the front porch before he starts to cry.

It’s cold out and he didn’t grab his coat on the way out so he brings his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. It doesn’t do anything to ward off the chill but it does allow him to rest his forehead on the tops of his knees.

No one has physically shoved him into the closet and locked the door but lord, does it feel the same anyways.

The front door opens and closes behind him and there’s a few hesitant footsteps that come to a stop next to him. He takes a deep breath and looks up.

“I got your jacket,” Lisa says. She holds it out and when he doesn’t take it right away she shakes it at him. “You ran out without it.”

“Thanks,” he sighs as he takes it and wraps it around his arms.

“I didn’t know, okay. If I did I wouldn’t have laughed at you.”

“You didn’t know what?”

“That you really liked Alex. I feel bad.”

Eric doesn’t really believe her but he doesn’t feel like fighting.

“You should come back inside. It’s cold out here.”

“I will in a little bit.”

She goes back inside and Eric stays until his fingers and the tip of his nose start to feel numb.

He meets his parents in the foyer.

Coach is holding the empty pie tin in one hand and helping his mama into her coat with the other.

“There you are sweetie. Your friends said you were outside.” She puts her hand on his forehead. “Do you feel okay? You’re not getting sick, are you?”

“No. I’m fine. Just needed some air.”

Coach looks like he doesn’t believe him but doesn’t call him out on it.

“If you’re sure,” Suzanne says but she buttons up Eric’s coat anyways. “I thought this was a great party, didn’t you? Did you have fun with your friends?”

“Yeah,” Eric lies. “It was great.”

*******

Bitty is eighteen and more homesick than he’s ever been before.

He thought he was handling being so far away from home but then the weather started turning cold and his classes started getting more serious in the face of finals and his mama sent him a picture of the tree in the living room all decorated and that was it.

That was their tradition and for the first time in his life he has missed it.

He tries to make a video but he ends up crying halfway through it and deletes then crawls under the covers and holdsj Senor Bun close to his chest.

He wants to sleep for the next four days so he can get up, go to the airport, and go home.

There’s a knock on his dorm room door and Bitty drags the pillow over his face to scream into it out of frustration before he yells out _“come on in.”_

The door opens and Jack pokes his head in first then slowly follows it with the rest of his body and Bitty pulls himself upright, careful to tuck Bun behind him so Jack won’t see.

Jack looks a little awkward standing in Bitty’s tiny dorm room. He looks like he thinks he’s taking up too much space so he leans against his desk and crosses his arms across his chest and his feet at his ankles to make himself look smaller. It doesn’t really work. Like it or not Jack fills up every room he’s in.

“What are you doing here?”

“I was out for a run.”

“I didn’t know you my dorm was on your route.”

“I decided to try something new.”

Bitty narrows his eyes at him and Jack heaves a huge sigh.

“There’s a nondenominational party going on at the Haus tonight. Do you want to come?”

Bitty blinks at him.

“Basically Holster slaps up a Menorah window decal, Ransom puts on Elf and Shitty spikes the hell out of some eggnog and they all see who can eat the most cookies. The loser is the first one to throw up. Johnson always wins.”

“Store bought cookies?”

“You’re the only one that uses the oven, Bittle. I’m pretty sure we didn’t even know it worked until you came along. So, are you coming or not?”

“I don’t think so. I was just going to go to bed.”

“This early? It’s not even six. Did you have dinner?”

Bitty had breakfast with the team and not much after that.

“I’m kind of tired.”

Jack isn’t buying his deflection and studies him with his head tipped to the side.

“You okay, Bittle?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I’m just tired with practice and finals and all that.”

Jack nods. “Have you ever spent time away from home before?”

“Well, yeah. I had a bunch of skating competitions. Sometimes we’d have to get a hotel.”

“I meant away from your parents.”

“I went to summer camp when I was little.”

“I meant far away. More than a phone call away.”

“Oh,” Bitty sighs. “No.”

“Are you feeling a little homesick?”

“No.”

“Bittle.”

“Yes. Okay, fine, I’m homesick and I know that it’s stupid and childish because I’m eighteen years old and I should be enjoying my freedom and I’ll be seeing them in a week anyways but I miss my mama and my old room and all my things. It’s Christmastime. I miss decorating the house and picking out the tree. That’s already been done and I missed it. I’m sorry.”

Jack frowns at him before he blows out a breath and uncrosses his arms. 

“It’s not stupid, Bittle and you don’t have to apologize. When I left home for the first time it was really hard. I missed my parents a lot.”

“Really?” Bitty asks and Jack nods. “I would think you’d be so happy to be playing hockey it wouldn’t really bother you.”

“I think of things besides hockey, you know.”

“Jack, I didn’t mean-.”

“You did,” Jack says softly. “That’s okay, though. I guess I kind of bring it on myself.” He stares at the opposite wall with a faraway look in his eyes before he slides his focus back over to Bitty. “Are you happy here, Bittle?”

Bitty nods enthusiastically. “Yes, gosh, Jack. I really do love it here. The team is great and I guess I like my classes even though they’re hard sometimes and I just couldn’t….I couldn’t go to school back home. I couldn’t have.”

Jack narrows his eyes. “That’s good,” he says carefully, “that’s good that you’re happy here. It does get easier. I know it’s hard right now but it will get better.”

Bitty wraps his arms around his shins and rests his chin on his knees. “How did you get over it?”

Jack takes a deep breath and holds it. “I played a lot of hockey.”

There’s a beat of silence before Jack smirks and Bitty knows it’s okay to laugh.

“You make it sound so easy.”

Jack shrugs. “It’s not. It wasn’t for me but you seem to be a little better at this-.” He pauses and searches for the right word. “Social stuff than I am. Not that I set the bar very high but…”

“You’re just full of jokes tonight, aren’t you?”

Jack shrugs again with loose shoulders and an easy smile. “So are you coming or not?”

“I guess I should. Oh.” He grabs his phone off the nightstand and opens Pinterest. “I have a recipe for gingerbread cookies. We could cut them out and decorate them. Usually you have to put the dough in the fridge overnight but this one only takes thirty minutes. You don’t think gingerbread cookies are too denominational, do you?”

“I think you’ll be fine. But I should warn you, there are no cookie cutters at the Haus.”

Bitty reaches under the bed and pulls out a box with a handful of plastic cookie cutters in it.

“I found them cheap at the store a few weeks ago. I figured they come in handy at some point.”

“You’re amazing,” Jack says under his breath. Bitty knows that wasn’t meant for him to hear so they stare at each other, wide eyed and embarrassed until Jack recovers. “What else do you have hidden under there? The ghost of Julia Child?”

Bitty laughs as his heart hammers in his chest. “I’m surprised you know who that is.”

“Everyone knows who she is. I used to watch her with my mom.”

“Me too.”

They smile at each other for a moment and Jack’s phone buzzes in his pocket.

He rolls his eyes and pulls it out.

“It’s Shitty. He wants me to stop for more liquor which isn’t going to happen,” he says as he types out a response and ignores the barrage of incoming texts. “You ready to go?”

Bitty throws off the covers and slides his feet into his sneakers. Jack is holding out his coat for him and Bitty slips his arms in and buttons it while Jack drops his scarf around his neck.

“It’s warmer back home, Jack. I miss that too. I’m not made for this type of weather.”

Jack laughs and puts his hand on the middle of Bittle’s back as he shuts the door behind him.

“You get used to that too.”

*****

Bitty is twenty one and far removed from the kids table at Christmas dinner.

He spent his childhood looking up at the adults table and wishing he could be sitting up there.

Now he looks down at the kids with their crayons and coloring books and would give anything to be back there.

When he was a kid all the adults asked of him was to clean his plate and keep quiet.

Now they’re asking him question after question.

“How do you feel about graduating”

“Do you think you can get the team to the finals again this year?”

“Do you think you can win it all?”

“You’re getting your degree in what?”

“What are you going to do with that?”

“You’re not staying up North, are you?”

“Have you thought about what you’re gonna do after, you know, for a livin’?”

“You haven’t found a girl yet?”

“You know, I’m having a hard time coming up with anyone that didn’t meet their spouse in college. Or high school. Have you been on a lot of dates at least?”

“I bet you’re waiting until you come home, aren’t you? Get yourself a nice southern girl that way you won’t have to be doing all the baking all the time.”

That gets a smattering of laughter and Bitty puts down his knife and fork, wipes his mouth with the napkin that’s been sitting on his lap and very calmly says “I’m gay.”

Everyone stops laughing.

Suzanne chokes on her wine.

Coach’s eyes are wide and round but he looks like he’s trying to stop himself from smiling.

Moomaw whistles beside him.

The little ones at the kids table chatter along, happy and oblivious to the bomb that was just dropped.

“I’m gay,” he says again. “I always have been gay and I always will be gay. I have a boyfriend of two years that I love and that loves me. So much. I’m staying up there after I graduate and I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with my degree but neither do the majority of the people I go to school with so.” He shrugs. “And I really love baking. I’m good at it and it makes me happy and I could marry Paul Hollywood and probably still use the oven more than him.”

One of his cousins mumbles _who is that_ and Bitty pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter.” He drops his napkin on his plate and pushes his chair back. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go call my boyfriend because he’s really good at calming me down.” He stands and takes a deep breath. “And yes, I do think we’ll get to the finals again this year.”

He gives his mama an apologetic look as he leaves the dining room and already has his phone pressed to his ear waiting for Jack to pick up by the time he’s on the stairs.

“Hey, baby,” Jack answers, all easy and relaxed like he’s had a few glasses of champagne or wine. There’s background noise, people talking and music playing and Bitty can hear Bob’s laugh cut through everything. Jack seems to be having a good time and Bitty immediately feels guilty for what he’s about to do.

“Jack.” He leans against his bedroom door. “I did something really stupid.”

Jack’s quiet for a moment and Bitty hears a door close. He sounds a lot more sober when he speaks again.

“What’s going on, Bittle?”

“I just came out to everyone at Christmas dinner. Everyone. My whole family.”

“Oh, Bits.” He sounds sympathetic but also incredibly relieved. Bitty’s sure his mind jumped to the worst case scenario. “Bitty, what happened?”

“They started asking me all these questions and I got tired of it. I’ve been getting the girlfriend question my whole life and I couldn’t take it anymore. I snapped. You should have seen their faces.”

“Do you….do you want me to come down there?”

“Oh sweetheart, no.”

“Because I will. I can get someone to drive me to the airport, it’s fine.”

“No, Jack.” Bitty sits down on his bed and pulls his pillow into his lap. “I’ll be fine, really. I’m just….afraid to go back downstairs.”

“You shouldn’t be afraid in your own house, Bits. Your parents have your back, don’t they?”

“Yes but we’re wildly outnumbered.” He drops his head into his hand and groans. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I did that. Oh god, what is wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“We never even talked about telling the rest of the family.”

“What were you gonna do? Just send out wedding invitations and see who showed up?”

“Wedding invitations?”

Bitty can only hear the sound of Jack’s steady breath on the other end.

“How drunk are you right now?” Bitty asks.

“Not that drunk. You’ve never thought about it?”

“I mean, yeah, of course I’ve thought about it but I just didn’t know if you thought about it.”

“I’ve thought about it.”

Bitty tucks the pillow beneath his chin and smiles into the phone. “Well. Okay then.”

There are two knocks on the door and then Suzanne is pushing it open.

“Jack, honey, I have to go. Mama’s here.”

“Tell her I said hi.”

“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll see you real soon, okay? I miss you.”

“Love you, Bits.”

“Love you too.”

Bitty hangs up and tosses the phone onto the bed to give Suzanne his full attention.

She’s still standing in the doorway with one hand on the knob and the other at her hip and a serious expression on her face and then suddenly it all just melts away and she’s laughing.

She pushes herself away from the door and when she gets on the bed beside him she puts both hands on his face.

“Oh, baby,” she laughs, “you certainly know how to pull attention. We’re going to be talking about this for years.”

“I’m so sorry, Mama.”

“What have you got to be sorry for? I know the timing is a little off but I should have been helping you with those questions. I should’ve put a stop to them before they even started.”

“I’m twenty one. I should be able to handle a few questions.”

“And you did. I don’t think anyone is going to be asking you anything more tonight.”

Bitty groans and leans into her. She wraps her arms around his back and gently rocks him.

“They’re probably never going to speak to me again.”

“That’s not true. They’re your family. They love you.”

“I know not all of them are going to be accepting of this.”

“You’re daddy and I made it clear that anyone who doesn’t welcome you is not welcome in this house.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Sure I can.”

“But they’re family.”

“And you are my son. You’re always going to rank higher than anyone else. You know your daddy is down there giving everyone a talk on tolerance. I think it would make Mr. Crappy real proud.”

“I’ll have to tell him that,” Bitty sniffs and Suzanne holds him even tighter.

“Everything will work out, honey. It’s going to be okay. You should come back downstairs.”

“Maybe in a little bit,” Bitty says and Suzanne rubs his back.

“How’s Jack?”

“Good. He said to tell you he says hi. He asked if I wanted him to fly down right away.”

She shakes her head and laughs. Her hair tickles Bitty’s face. “Oh, that boy of yours.”

Bitty sighs, happily this time. “I know.”

******

Bitty is twenty five and watching the snow fall out of Bob and Alicia’s kitchen window.

There’s a hot cup of coffee in his hands and the smell of french toast in the air.

He’s warm and cozy, wrapped up in new flannel pajamas and the love he feels for every person lounging in the living room behind him.

It’s the first year the Bittle’s and the Zimmermann’s are spending Christmas together.

Suzanne had been hesitant at first. 

“But we always have Christmas here.”

“We’ve had Christmas every year for the past twenty plus years,” Coach pointed out. “It’s about damn time someone else in the family stepped up. What day do you boys want us up there?”

“Christmas at Bad Bob Zimmermann’s house.” Suzanne sat back against the couch and sighed dreamily. “I bet it’s beautiful up there this time of year.”

“You can’t come if you’re going to be embarrassing, mother.”

“I’ll be good!”

She managed to reign in her fawning ( _“like you were any better when you first met him,” Jack had reminded him. “Mr. Jack’s Dad.”_ ) and really hit it off with both of them.

She and Alicia were laughing loudly at something in the living room one moment and then she was chatting quietly in the kitchen with Bob the next.

Coach had taken a little longer to get comfortable and it wasn’t until Bitty caught him smiling at something Alicia had said that Bitty really let himself relax.

Right now everyone seems perfectly content.

His parents are curled together at one end of the plush leather couch. His Mama has her feet tucked beneath her and Coach has slipper covered feet propped up on the coffee table.

Bob and Alicia are at the other end, mirroring their positions. They have a blanket spread over their laps and they’re passing gifts back and forth.

A cashmere scarf and glove set.

A tin of homemade cookies that Bob and Alicia break open right away.

Jack is padding up behind him in bare feet holding an empty coffee cup and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He’ll need another mugful to wake up completely but walks right past the coffee maker, puts the cup on the counter, and wraps his arms around Bitty’s waist.

“You almost done in here?” He kisses the back of his neck. “There are presents waiting for you under the tree.”

“I have to get the last few slices out of the pan and then I’ll be done.”

“I can do that.” Jack lets him go and slides over to the stove to pick up the spatula and gestures towards the living room with it. “Go sit down. I’ll be right in.”

Bitty turns around and rests his hip against the counter and takes another sip of coffee. Jack works the spatula under the edge of the french toast to show Bitty and when he nods Jack flips it over.

Jack hasn’t shaved in a few days so when he raises his fingers to his face to rub at his jaw makes a scratching sound that makes Bitty shiver.

“My dad said something about going for a walk after breakfast but….” He pauses and looks over Bitty’s shoulder and out the window at the snow. “I don’t know how your parents are going to hold up out there. Maybe we could just stay in and watch movies? We could go out later. I think it’s supposed to let up. We could head into the city and get dinner? I know your mom has a list of things she’d like to see before she goes home. She really did her research. I think she’s worried she’s not going to be able to see it all before they leave. My mom told her she’s welcome back anytime and your dad had to hold her up.” Jack clears his throat and taps the spatula against the side of the pan. “Listen, Bitty, I know we said that we weren’t going to go all out on our gifts for each other this year but-.”

“I love you.”

Jack’s eyebrows knit together until there’s a line between them and Bitty loves that too.

“Okay,” he says slowly and Bitty puts down his coffee and hip checks him out of the way so he can slides the french toast onto a plate. It was going to burn.

“Your parents don’t mind eating in the living room, do they? Or should we call them in here?”

“My dad has like, seven cookies shoved in his mouth right now. We can eat out there.”

Bitty smiles at him and picks up two of the plates and Jack catches him around the elbow before he can even get two steps away.

“I love you, too.”

Bitty leans up on his toes to kiss him then drops back down and tips his head towards the living room.

“C’mon, honey. I have a present for you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> For everyone who wondered in the tags when you reblogged it on tumblr, yes of course the gifts are rings. I am the sappiest sap that has ever sapped.


End file.
